Envy

ENVY

There’s a lot of hype around sisterhood, goddess power and the sacred feminine. There’s a big movement called Women Supporting Women and there are a lot of strong women out there yearning to co-create, support each other and collaborate. I am one of those women and I would go as far as to say that it’s even in my blood, my lineage and my karma. My grandmother was amongst the first women in Finland to get a driver’s license and a dedicated yogini (before it was cool & trendy) and my mom, whom I’m very proud of by the way, has always been an avid feminist and worked to support women. She served as the president of the Finnish Women Entrepreneurs for several years until she finally retired this year. Cheers to you mama ❤️ I recognize your hard work.

I believe that there’s power in numbers and union and supporting each other is absolutely beautiful and we should definitely co-create, collaborate and work together. Unfortunately, however, there is something we fail to talk about openly, the big underbelly of sisterhood called envy. It’s understandable, I mean who would want to bring up the nasty, big ole’ envy with its ugliness, and it surely isn’t something to use when marketing. But envy is real and as much as women would love to have the support of each other, unfortunately they (we) are the first ones judge, criticize, belittle and smack talk each other.

I’m going to use myself as an example. When I first started my blog a few years ago I decided I needed to write at least twice a week and post on specific days. Consistency was key and every marketing savvy person would advise new bloggers to do this as it was considered to be the best method for SEO optimizing and gaining more readers. This was in 2016. The blog scene was already pretty established and I was kinda late to even be jumping on the bandwagon. I decided to give it a go anyways as I thought it’d be cool side project and something that would help me build my biz in Mex. Well, It didn’t really go as planned and life happened, I lost interest, dropped the project and stopped writing altogether. I felt a lot of insecurity in my writing and felt as if what I had to say wasn’t valuable, interesting or good enough. I was reading other blogs and felt that my posts where silly, unimportant or just shitty compared to the other stuff out there.

Fast forward three years, a lot of craziness and rapid growth and I suddenly find myself typing again. Unexpected, unplanned and unintentional. But this time it’s not forced, this time it flows, it feels good and I feel like I can stand behind everything I am writing without feeling insecure, without worrying about what other people think. Because I know better. Because I know myself. Because I’ve grown. But perhaps most importantly because I’m not comparing my writing to anyone else’s. It feels like I am finally using my own voice. It feels good to write and it feels good to share my opinions, thoughts and learnings. And if I can touch someone with my writing, or make someone think, even better.

We are all unique and have something different to offer.

My aim is to be real, genuine and write about the hard stuff too. Like envy. Not just the picture perfect life that social media can portray (and I am very aware of that my own insta feed displays this, hence the blog with more depth), but more about lessons, growth, life, whatever comes to my mind really. There’s no guidelines or restrictions. It also feels very therapeutic and more free as I have no set rules on how often to post, I simply do it whenever I get a splurge of inspiration, like right now at this very moment. And right now I feel like talking about envy. Everyone’s felt it, everyone knows what it is, but nobody really talks about it. So let’s.

So what is envy? Well, it’s thinking that what someone else has or is, is somehow better than what you are or have or are doing. The root to envy is comparison. It’s counting someone else’s blessings instead of yours. It’s feeling less than someone else. It’s the feeling of lacking. It’s not being happy with who you are or with what you have to offer. Heavy stuff huh.

So there are two very likely outcomes of feeling envy, either you’ll start feeling resentment towards the person or then other nasty side effect: you’ll start talking shit. But does either method make it go away? Hardly. So how do you make it go away? Perhaps the most important thing is: to stop comparing yourself to others. The saying “comparison is the thief of joy” truly is the truth. Comparison will not take you anywhere and you are only comparing yourself to an perceived image, not the actual truth. “Don’t criticize, emphasize” is a good one, because you have no idea of knowing what the person you’re envious of is dealing with, what they’ve been through or about their struggles or issues. So recognize their mundane humanness and simply stop.

Okay, so if there’s no way that you can stop comparing yourself with someone else or emphasize with them, there’s one more way: start working towards your dreams. Use the feeling of envy as fuel towards your own goals and start making shit happen. And this, ladies and gentlemen is empowering AF.

Lastly I would like to say that if you notice that you’re feeling envy towards a friend instead of a random Joe, try be open and honest about it and talk it out as difficult and even embarrassing it might feel. It takes a lot of courage, but the truth is energy doesn’t lie, and most likely your friend already felt it. Communication is key, to absolutely everything, even in dealing with envy amongst friends. Because if not, you’ll start wishing them to not be so successful or good or whatever it is you think they are, and eventually your friend will have to turn to people that wish them the best.

Life is hard, support each other and recognize your uniqueness. We all have something to offer and we are all just trying to figure it out.

Thank you for taking the time to read my typing, it’s nice to know someone out there is reading this.

Con amor,

Evita

20 things I've learned in the past 10 years

20 thing’s I’ve learned about life in the past 10 years

A couple of days ago I drank a cup of Yogi tea and got the quote “Experience will give you the power and confidence to be you”. Instead of just tossing the cute little tea bag wisdom quote away, I saved it and gave it some thought. And ta-da, this blog post was born.

One of the cool things about this mysterious thing we call life is that we are continuously learning new things. When I think back about how I used to be in my early twenties (or even my later twenties, or actually even last year) versus the person I am today, boy, have I changed. And this change is a result of experience and life lessons (read: pain, devastation and lots of tears).

I mean when you think about it, through eons of time people have always respected the elderly for their wisdom. So I guess there is some kind of truth that wisdom comes with age, and no, I am NOT comparing myself to an elderly person. I’m no Yoda and I am still young (I keep telling myself that) but I simply am sharing what I’ve gathered this far.

Okay, so I’m not 20 no more, but neither am I am middle aged. I’d say I am a young woman, not completely lost anymore, with some wisdom under my belt and with a few life lessons in my back pocket. I think moving to the other side of the world in my early twenties, starting a couple businesses and getting my heart broken has helped me grow. Add a line of bad decisions and falling one my face a couple times and voila this was my recipe to learn. Some of us learn these lessons at an early stage in life and have a lot more to deal with from an early start. I do consider myself lucky because my life has been somewhat sheltered, at least growing up in Finland. Everyones path is different and even though we often learn through experience and wisdom is something we gather through time, age is not always the measurement of wisdom or knowledge.

The list consists of a number of realizations that I’ve gained through the ups and downs, curves and cut backs of life and perhaps things I did’t know in my early twenties. I guess what I am trying to say is, if you’re in your early twenties the odds are you’re going through the fire and trying to figure shit out, or at least I did. … so here ya go a list or a roadmap to life hacking. Oh and as a side note, even though I’ve learned all of the points listed below, doesn’t necessarily mean that I comply (insert emoji with hands to the sides). So on with the list:

Trees are considered wise.

“Be like a tree.
Stay grounded.
Connect with your roots.
Turn over a new leaf.
Bend before you break.
Enjoy your unique natural beauty.
Keep growing.”

-Joanne Raptis

1. The most important thing in life is your health

When I say health I don’t mean you not being sick, I mean your wellbeing, your mental health, your physical health, your emotional health, your mind and your body from a holistic perspective. Everything else is trivial. You might argue, “no, but my family is number one for me”. Well, homie, if you’re sick AF you can’t be there for your family can you now. So this is the foundation of your life. YOU. Take care of yourself and treat yourself and your body nicely. Make yourself happy and spend time with just YOU. The most important relationship you’ll ever have in your life, is the one you have with yourself. Work on it. Constantly. Do things for yourself. Whatever it is you like, do it. Sleep enough, eat enough, exercise, travel, go out to nature, do whatever ticks you. Do YOU and take care of yourself. Also remember that you have to communicate your limits when it comes to work and relationships, if you don’t then your health is at stake.

2. Learn to say sorry

You’re human. Unless you’re a unicorn or an alien (it’s possible some might argue) you make mistakes. And like I’ve said in a previous blog post the odds are you aren’t an enlightened being, so admit your mistakes, take responsibility where you know you’ve fucked up and say “I am sorry”. These three little words mean a lot and build bridges instead of burning them. That being said, only say these words if you truly mean it. If you, however honestly feel like you did nada wrong then stand your ground (next point) and take no BS.

3. Kindness is gangster but take no SHIT

There are a lot of assholes out there and many ways to deal with them. Kindness is gangster and you can try to kill them with kindness, but frankly sometimes you just gotta stand up for yourself and tell them off. People that are rude just to be rude or people that put other people down to feel good about themselves aren’t clearly happy in life. Their behavior towards you is a reflection of that. It might be hard to remember this when someone is being offensive and often we either attack back or just sit quiet. I can’t say that I’ve fully mastered this lesson just yet, it’s more of a work in progress. I also sometimes struggle with boundaries, but I do recognize the importance of learning to say NO and defending yourself. Just like you practice anything else you can start practicing this skill. Next time someone is rude AF to you, you can actually reply in a nice way that that’s unacceptable and that you don’t put up with that kind of shit.

4. Travel is the best investment

It is. Try it yourself. I don’t regret any trips I’ve ever made in my life but I do regret spending too much money on fast fashion or stupid shit. A trip can be a life long memory where as a cute dress is just that, a cute dress.

5. Don’t react right away, there’s a reason they say sleep on it

Yup, it’s true. Sometimes when you get triggered you tend to want to just get your opinion thrown out right back at at whatever it is. This however is not always the best idea as you’ll probably say shit you don’t mean and adding some calmness and stepping back will always give you a better perspective and a smarter answer.

6. You are the author, producer and master of your life, make shit happen

You are the master of your life and you’re responsible for making yourself happy. If you hate your job or if you are in an unhappy situation or relationship, you’re the only one that can change that. I am not telling you to quit your job and to just lye on a tropical beach and soak in the sun (or I mean, actually you can), but to start by deciding what kind of life you would like to have and start working towards it step by step. Rome wasn’t build in a day and neither is your dream life (in most cases). Commit to your vision, commit to your goals and learn the difference between a dream and a goal (read number 19).

7. We are all unique and different

Yup, we all hold our own pair of goggles through which we look at life. We all have our own perspective and view things differently. We differ in personalities and are built differently from different value systems to different interests, hobbies, issues, insecurities, paths, pasts, ways of communicating, joking or even kissing. We also have different ways of showing love and love languages. Learn yours and learn your partners, if you’re unfamiliar with the concept expect to be mindblown.

8. Everything in Moderation, even moderation

This quote I learned from a dear friend of mine and he learned it from Laird Hamilton, a big wave surfer. I mean if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Everything in moderation, even moderation. Everyone can’t be on their top game 100% of the time or be super healthy all the time, sometimes you need to eat that cupcake, sometimes you just need to chill on your couch and do absolutely NOTHING. And sometimes you need to stop moderating everything and go crazy. Yup, there you have it, one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard. If you have another good one, feel free to drop it in the comment section.

9. When there is a will, there is a way

Sure is true. If you truly want something, I mean if you TRULY want something, you will find a way to make that work wether it is something you have to do yourself or it involves other people. I also love the saying “The squeaky wheel gets the grease”, which falls somewhat in the same category as it has to do with PERSISTENCY, but I guess this variation is more about complaining about something and getting a result that way. Either way, you will make anything (yet not everything) happen if you truly want it.

10.TRUST YOUR GUT, Everything is ENERGY, trust the vibes you get

Very true. If something feels off, it most likely is. Trust the vibes you get around certain people. Trust that hunch feeling, that little whisper inside of your head, because you already know the answer when you become quiet enough it’ll be loud and clear.

11. No one knows your body better than you

When someone says “you need to exercise at least X times a week” or “you should avoid coffee at all costs” might be true for them, but not for you. Learn to know your body, learn to know what your needs are when it comes to sleep, rest, exercise, diet, chill time and even socializing. Like I mentioned in number 7, we are all unique and you’re the boss for your body, so if you don’t already, learn no know yours cuz no one knows better than you what works for you.

12. Comparison is the thief of joy

No further comments. It truly is. And social media is a good channel for just posting the pretty pictures, but god dammit, they’re just pictures. Do not compare yourself to someone else’s gallery.

13. Learn to laugh at your own mistakes

Because it makes it more light and is a great practice for self acceptance. We all make mistakes and learning to laugh at them will make life so much lighter.

14. Forgiveness is for yourself

This one has been a big one. Forgiveness is hard especially when someone has hurt you so so deeply. However, holding anger and resentment towards another person will not bring you the peace that you deserve. Forgiveness is simply that, letting go of the negative feelings so that you can feel free. This does not mean you have to accept the wrongdoings towards you, just release them. Everyone has their own personal karmic energy and will at some point experience a result from their actions. You cannot control their actions or their decisions, but what you can control is your feelings.

15.What you resist, persists

Life will hurt. The odds are you’ll get hurt, one way or another. You’ll deal with betrayal, grief, loss, pain or disappointment. Some of them will be big and others small, minor curveballs. Whilst dealing with your issues can be pretty upsetting, as human beings we’re really good at amplifying them and getting stuck in the injustice of it all. Unfortunately, we tend to draw out on our own suffering, rather than being able to move on. By accepting the inevitable pain, struggles and unwanted events that at some point will unfold in our lives, we actually choose acceptance.

16. Courage does not include no fear

Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

17. The more you feel gratitude, the more it will expand

Energy flows where intention goes. The more you focus on something the larger it will grow and expand. The more gratitude you feel, the more you’ll attract other things to be grateful for.

18. distance means nothing when someone means so much

You might grow apart or you might move to the other side of the world. But if you’re lucky, you’ll get to keep a handful of the really special ones even if you don’t see each other as often as you’d like. Also, sometimes distance means nothing, when someone means so much. I miss many of my friends so so much and even if I won’t see them in a while, I know that with some of them it doesn’t matter at all. We ‘ll pick up right where we left it.

19. A dream is just a dream, a goal is a dream with a plan

So you know that dream you’ve had in the back of your head for a while now. Start working towards it. Make an action plan and with baby steps you can start today. Even if you’re busy with life or your current job, you can still start. So do it, because this life is meant to be lived.

20. Love is the answer

It is the solution in this random and harsh world. Express it freely. Show it to the ones you love. It is the reason for our existence.

2019, a year to manifest your dreams

2019, A YEAR TO MANIFEST YOUR DREAMS

It’s been forever and ever since I last updated my blog and A LOT has happened since. First and foremost, happy New Year (a little late as we are almost thru Jan)!!! I think I had almost given up on this fun little side thing I used to do, but oh well, here I find myself typing yet again. Happy that you found your way here too and are reading my scribbles.

In a nutshell 2018 was a crazy year. It’s hard to even recap everything that happened and honestly a lot of it is very private & sensitive information and not to share with the world wide web. That being said, with great growth comes some growth pain and what I can say is holy shit I’ve grown this last year. In some circles people refer to the years 2016-2018 as a metamorphosis and explain how the year 2016 was the cocoon year, 2017 the caterpillar year and finally 2018 the butterfly year. When I think about my own past it makes a lot of sense as last year was when I finally spread my wings and flew. Not just figuratively speaking, but I actually flew away from Mexico that’s been my home for the last 6 and a half years. This was a tough transition and something I’m still struggling with. Even if Finland is a great country, holy shit, lack of light is a bitch, I’ll tell you that much. Also, moving from the other side of the world to a new location, even if it’s your old home country, is challenging, on many levels. I feel like I am not the same person I used to be before and I don’t perhaps fully fit in. Yet.

Mexico holds a huge place in my heart and I will always keep going back. And perhaps this is just a lil breather, I mean who knows. Life tends to surprise us in many unexpected ways. Either way I feel that I am where I should be right now and that I’ve made some really smart and healthy changes. That being said, there’s still many things to conquer, manifest and master. BUT I’ve decided that this will finally be the year I step outside my comfort zone and actually make shit happen. If not now, then when!? I guess each January we get a spurt of inspiration and feel more driven, for me especially being a Capricorn and having my bday just a few days after New Year’s it truly feels like I’ve turned a new page in my life. And today I took the first step. I understand all of this might seem a little cryptic as I am not revealing what it is, but I promise you, if you stay tuned, eventually I will reveal and show you guys my new project.

To come back to the metamorphosis I’d say that 2016 was a brutal year in many ways. It felt like I was dragging myself forward and everything around me was collapsing. If some of you understand Tarot cards I’d compare the year to the Tower card in the deck. I guess the year 2016 was only preparing me for the the following year, which was even worse. All this while living in a beautiful paradise surrounded by warmth, the sun and happy people. I guess it’s true what they say that paradise is a state of mind and not a location. The following year, which is now last year, was when I finally made some changes. But the changes didn’t come smoothly. I guess they never do. I remember a teacher of mine always referred to the process of a seed sprouting and how violent the actual transition is as it breaks thru and that this comparison also goes with real life growth.

All in all life is full of mystery and I find that this time of the year it’s a good moment to pause, assess the last year (or perhaps even last couple of years), get clear about what it is you wish to manifest for the new year and do some goal setting. I am a huge fan of vision boards and truly believe in their manifestation power, if you’re unfamiliar with the concept a quick google will do the trick even here. I also love writing things down and journaling about what I wish to accomplish and again highly recommend this practice too. So finally, what I wish to say to you is, let’s truly go after those dreams, cuz if we don’t they’ll come and bite us in the butt on our death beds.

That’s all for now. Go get em tiger.

Con amor,

Evita